The Problem of Loneliness (Pt. 2)
The Trinitarian Response to Loneliness
The Solution… a Start.
In part one of this series on loneliness, I wrote about how the Trinity informs how God made us in his image, as people who are created for relationships with God and other people.
We’ve also seen what loneliness is and why it exists. Now, let’s take a look at the foundation of the solution.
Just as the Trinity shows us why loneliness is such a problem- it also shows us how we can biblically face the problem.
It starts with the Trinity. Remember- God is trinitarian, meaning God is one in essence and three in person. Let’s explore how intra-trinitarian relations and their external missions help us face loneliness.
God the Father Loves Us
The first person of the trinity is God the Father. One of the most important things that we can learn about the God the Father is right there in his name. Father.
Think about that for a moment. God identifies himself as a Father and reveals that fact to us. God didn’t just become a Father, he has always been a Father to God the Son for all eternity.
Eternity, means outside of time. If the timeline is a line, God sits outside, over, and above it. He can see and be in all times and places because he is over and above the timeline. He IS. He is The Great I AM. He is. And he IS for all eternity as a Father. His Fatherhood is essential to who he is.
So for all eternity he has been giving life to God the Son in God the Spirit. He’s overflowing, outpouring, life giving. He’s the fount of love. The giver of all life. He’s radiantly outward facing. He is essentially loving. God is love. And He is unchanging.
Psalm 102:25–27
[25] Of old you laid the foundation of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
[26] They will perish, but you will remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.
You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away,
[27] but you are the same, and your years have no end. (ESV)
We know that the Bible says that God is Love. (1 John 4:8). But how could God be love eternally if there was no one to love in eternity? Like if God was not Trinity, but rather singular? How could he be love with no one to love? But there was and always has been because of the Trinity. God the Father has always loved God the Son in the Spirit, and the Son has always loved the Father in the Spirit. God is love. “For all eternity, this God was loving, giving life to and delighting in the Son.” (Reeves, DITT, 26)
So, we know and can see that God is a life-giving Father. He didn’t need to create or love people because he was eternally giving life to and loving his Son in the Spirit. But because of who God is (radiant, outward), he created image bearers to love and to join him in delighting in and loving his Son.
What does this mean for us as we think about loneliness?
It means that God loves you.
One of the loneliest thoughts is that God is far off or that God is uncaring.
Is there a lonelier thought than the thought that God is inaccessible or unreachable?
Isn’t it true that if you really felt your relationship with God the Father that you would have the strength you need to face relational loneliness?
We know God loves us and sent Christ for us. We know he listens to us. We know the verses about God caring for us. But so often I have this nagging sense that God doesn’t want me around. Is it just me?
We think- If God is all of these amazing things-why don’t I feel it?
Why do I feel lonely and distant from God?
Well, here’s one thing that you can do when you feel distant from God-
Go to him in lament. In prayer.
It’s not counterintuitive. Praying to God when God feels distant is an act of faith.
It’s obedience. It’s the very act of taking yourself by the hand and saying, “Meg, even though I don’t feel God’s with me, I know he is because he says he is and so I’m going to trust him and go to him and be honest with him.”
The very act of going to God in prayer when you feel distant from him is the way that we let theology, our knowledge of God and our trust in him, drive us forward rather than letting our feelings push us back and farther away from God.
When you feel distant from God- you have two choices- listen to yourself tell you that’s he’s far off and remain away OR Tell yourself the truth and go to Him in faith.
I’m not saying, act like everything is ok, check the prayer box for the day, and ignore the feeling of loneliness from God. No, I’m saying go to him in honest prayer, in lament.
Lament
Mark Vroegop in his book, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, which I highly recommend, gives us 4 steps in a prayer of lamentation-
1.) Turn to God in prayer- in faith, let your theology fuel your prayer even when your feelings don’t match. The reality of the Christian life is that we live BY FAITH. We can’t see God or touch him or call him on the phone. No matter how much we long for that physical embrace, we don’t have it yet. This necessarily mean that going to God in prayer is an act of faith. And you can only get there by letting your theology drive you, because in general, your feelings won’t get you there.
2.) Complain- tell God honestly how you feel about loneliness and all that hurts. It’s fair to complain to God and pray something like, “God, you feel so distant to me. I know you’re not, but you feel far away and uncaring.” Don’t believe me? Look at the Psalms (Psalm 10, Psalm 77, etc). The psalmists frequently pray prayers asking God why he’s far off. They ask him if he had forgotten to love and if he’ll remain angry forever.
But think about it! In asking those questions, they question the essential nature of God, which is love. And this is in the Bible. You can freely go to God to complain. But you can’t stay there. Like the psalmists, you have to move forward in hope. So then…
3.) Ask- Ask God for help. He is the resource that you need. And more than that, he has promised to provide for his children. So, asking God for help is right. “These petitions are prayers of faith anchored in what we believe about God.” (Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, pg. 60)
4.) Trust God- leave your prayer knowing that God is caring for you, no matter what you feel.
It’s often also loneliness that produces trust in God as we fight to trust him.
Often these feelings of loneliness from God call into question the truth that God loves us. But it’s often also loneliness that produces trust in God as we fight to trust him. Because loneliness can (and often does) produce trust in God, these lamenting prayers are part of the transition from loneliness to trusting God’s love for you.
God the Father is not lonely, He’s loving and life giving
This means that he loves us- he sent Christ for us. When we are united to God in Christ, we can trust that God loves us no matter how we feel. Even in the depths of the darkest loneliness, we can rest in this truth that we are loved by our Maker.
Now, the primary way that God has shown his great love for us, is in sending Christ for us. So, in part 3, we’ll look to the Son to see how he helps us understand and face loneliness.
Is this helpful? What makes sense to you? Tell me in the comments.